The Daily Decoder

From this morning's WaPo, (euphemisms in red, actual meaning helpfully provided in blue)

Happy Thursday! Federal employees ineligible to receive Social Security benefits would still get a one-time $250 payment next year if President Obama gets his way.

The president wants Congress to make the one-time payments (first of several) to roughly 57 million people (more than 57 million people), including roughly 1 million public sector employees (more than 1 million) ineligible for Social Security, Supplemental Security Income, or veterans benefits.

“This additional assistance (vote buying) will be especially important in the coming months (as we approach mid-term elections), as countless seniors and others have seen their retirement accounts and home values decline (go lower while I'm in the Big Chair) as a result of this economic crisis (bad personal financial decisions)," Obama said in a statement issued Wednesday.

“This payment would come as a welcome relief to federal retirees and survivors at a time when most will shoulder a 12 to 15 percent health insurance premium increase in a year they will receive no cost of living adjustment (this cohort's excess demand for susidized healthcare pushes up prices),” Margaret L. Baptiste, president of the National Active and Retired Federal Employees Association said in a statement. “We commend the president for supporting a payment (giving someone else's money) to older Americans (people who vote in electorally important states) that will help them make ends meet (will be followed by additional demands) and for including government retirees who are not eligible to receive Social Security.”

Obama endorsed the idea (likes the politics), expected to cost at least (more than)$13 billion, "as the administration gropes for ways to sustain an apparent economic rebound without the kind of massive spending package that critics could label a second stimulus act (pretend he's not digging a staggering long-term hole)," colleagues Amy Goldstein and Neil Irwin report.

"In recent weeks, the White House has examined (polled) a wide range of proposals to funnel money to constituencies seen as suffering (give free stuff to people we like because we can). Administration officials have also been supportive of extending unemployment insurance benefits that were to expire (will never expire) at the end of the year and are contemplating (have decided) an extension of an $8,000 tax credit (prop up home prices at least through the mid-terms) for first-time home buyers (don't forget young voters, too!) due to expire Nov. 30."

I hope that clears things up a bit.